this is my diary, where ill post short little thoughts on my day!

dear diary...

Date: 4 dec 2022

Mood: mixed

school anxiety & body pains

feelings are mixed! im relieved to be done with work and all, but its made finishing the semester harder. i feel super super unmotivated, in part because im no longer having to wake up and go to work and all that. it was overwhelming when it was happening, but now its not my days feel too big and empty. i mean, its not helped by my t refill being denied and being so up in the air. fucking exhausting

i cant stand my doctor keeping this shit all loosey goosey. called pp and they said they dont know and their phone queue is hours long bc of this stupid my chart shit, and i made the account and my scrips not even on there Of Course. so idk ill send a message on there and call in tomorrow too. i just feel like shit ugh and im scared ill get my t back and it wont fix it and ill have to reckon w feeling like shit just being my life yknow? sigh.

ankles n knees are hurting on and off, mostly just being a bit creaky and achey randomly. i need to get a shower chair or smth but really my big shower issue is that my arms get so so tired before im done with my hair and body and the only real solution for that feels like just having someone else scrub me in the shower yknow ): also nose been bleeding a lot more easily lately, and my picking is going real bad. but the nose bleeds are from the winter i bet - i always forget how the winter makes things drier. i dont deal w that much but my brother gets crackled bleeding knuckles in the winter so i could get that in the future esp if its a t thing

freaked out about school and classes, really bad avoidance anxiety. ghosting lit prof bc shes been so nice and reaching out to be helpful and i just cant handle it. ghosting indig class because the teacher snapped at me and now my rsd makes me stressed out looking at the class so i just Dont. turned in paper for the phil one at least. still need to make my chinese phil intro paragraph and im freakin out about it cuz i have no idea what to doooo and i feel like everything i do will be bad and i havent read shit all semester n im dying forever x_x

maybe tomorrow since im obvsly skipping class haha.. ill hit up the nb from chinese phil abt studying stuff? sad bc there were cool ppl in lit class but i never got anyones contact except the one girl and she just ignored my ass T_T but tomorrow for reals ill get shit done. this time for real i promise. lol